Regret
by Madforties
Summary: Joseph muses his recent marriage to Faye and his growing feelings for someone else! Joseph/Jac.


Joseph married Faye just over two weeks ago now. The ceremony had gone perfectly to plan, the rest of the day, not so much. He was, surprisingly, upset and angry to learn that his one-time girlfriend, Elizabeth, had cheated on him with none other than his late brother. Perhaps, his reaction was totally justified, in fact it was most definitely justified, but it surprised him non the less. Surely nothing should matter on your wedding day; nothing, that is, except for your Bride. She had had her fair share of the blues during the wedding too. Her reunion with her estranged parents was harder than, he perceives she'd imagined it to be. Yet, perhaps the most alarming feeling that day struck him at 22:37. He remembered exactly the moment that text message had arrived. He hadn't really cared what the content was, in fact was simply concerned with shutting the silly ringtone. However, it had somewhat plagued him for the rest of the day. At the back of his mind he wondered if it was her and, if so, what she wanted to say. Good Luck? I hope you are happy? Don't do it? A multitude of possibilities ran through his brain when he allowed himself to think about it. In fact, the thought of it not being her, of it being anyone else, caused his heart to stop...a reaction he did not want to admit or acknowledge. How, on his wedding day, could Jac Naylor still make his heart stop? So, he finally worked up the guts to look at the message, see if it was from her and what it was she wanted him to know. He had to be alone, so he stepped outside, away from Faye and all the others milling around them ever so slightly drunk.

"Call me please"

That was it. A message he had not contemplated in the brief time he had thought about it. What did she want to say that hadn't already been said? He's not sure he wants to know. Perhaps it is better that he stayed oblivious. He's not sure how many more times he can hear her reveal her feelings to him and not respond with his own. Those repressed feelings for her continue to get stronger, making them harder and harder to silence. Every time he is confronted with a new, softer side of her, he cannot help but fall for her again, and again and again. Even after everything. With Jac, it didn't seem to matter anymore. She understood, she accepted, she was genuinely sorry for everything and this hurt the most. The person she was now, the person she was _showing_ now is the one he knew she always was. The one he fell for originally and seeing her again every day, consuming his senses had made his need to finally commit to Faye even greater: he couldn't go back.

So here they were, in the car park of Holby, after a ten days in the country on their honeymoon. Faye was chattering about catching up with everyone and her visit to Archie this evening, but he couldn't concentrate. All he could focus on was seeing her again, it felt like a lifetime ago since he had seen her in the bar, at Maddie's remembrance.

"Joseph! Joseph!! Where are you this morning? Still in your dreams?"

_Little do you know! _Where was this coming from. It's as if his absence from her had only served to heighten his awareness of his feelings, to increase his guilt. He was married, to Faye, he was happy.

"Sorry Faye! Yes, it would seem so. I guess I am not relishing the thought of getting back to normality, reality."

"No me neither." She moaned. "Still, it will be fine once we are there. I am always like this after a break. Come on."

They left the parked car and headed for the hospital. Nothing had changed and why would it? It had been one week not one year. The elevator was just closing and he ran ahead to stop it.

"Joseph! Faye! You are back! Welcome back! Tell me, how was it all?" Elliot was stood in the unusually quiet elevator, coffee and croissant in hand.

"Elliot!" Faye greeted him. "It was perfect, just perfect." She pressed home her point by reaching up and kissing him.

Joseph blushed. He always found public displays of affection awkward and for some reason he wanted Faye no where near him at this moment.

"Yes. It was very pleasant Elliot. Thank-you for asking." He replied calmly, brushing his feelings under the carpet. That was until the elevator indicated it's arrival on Darwin, where he was greeted by the one woman he didn't think he could handle seeing right now.

Jac. She had her back to them. She was on the phone and filling out a chart, already changed into scrubs and her long, soft hair falling down her back. She was oblivious to his gaze as he moved to the staff room. What on earth was he going to say to her?

There was no need to for him to worry about that now though as when he returned to the desk, she had disappeared onto the ward and he could see her talking to a patient and their relatives. It looked like good news. Although he couldn't see her face, the family looked relieved.

"Ah Mr Byrne. Nice of you to return to the land of the sick." Connie made her feelings know. "If you'd care to stop day dreaming now. The honeymoon is over, there are stacks of charts in their usual place, too many patients awaiting attention Mr Byrne. Please do your job."

He apologized and looked over at the board. Connie had her usual full day in surgery, nothing new. He picked up the first chart, a Mr Press. He began wading through the notes, familiarising himself with the patient's multitude of visits to Holby.

"Joseph."

His heart really did stop this time. He looked up, fully aware of who was stood there.

"Jac."

His eyes roamed all over her in the first millisecond he looked up. She looked divine this morning. Her hair seemed less abrupt than usual, softer. He met her eyes and they gave away all the feelings she harboured inside. His breath shortened, she still loved him. He has no idea why he is surprised. Feelings don't disappear overnight, he could testament to that. And for some reason, the knowledge of this allows his heart to start beating again. His feels his pulse racing, how could she have this effect when she was standing, what felt like miles away from him. Moreover, how could she have this effect when he was married.

"Congratulations." She looked down and he craved more contact with her eyes.

"Thank-you, Jac. How have you been? It been busy?"

"Fine, thanks, nothing new. And yes. The world doesn't stop needing their hearts fixing just because you and Faye got married." He is reminded of her cutting streak but it doesn't send him flying to Faye like usual. He recalled the age old tip: when desperate, resort to discussing patients.

"Good to hear. Do you know anything about a Mr Press in bed 6?"

She turned to look over at bed 6.

"Who doesn't? The man is a frequent flyer and never lets his presence go amiss. What's he in for this time?"

"It would seem nothing in particular. Claims of acute cute chest pains but otherwise nothing out of the ordinary."

"Probably feels like wasting tax-payers money again."

She reaches over the counter in search of a pen. The desk is unusually tidy and this throws her somewhat.

"Someone has clearly got too much time on their hands! Where are the pens? Is this some sort of new filing system? Or has Jayne got rid of all the pens in some bid to save money?"

He smiles at her. Her unwillingly witty comments never fail to make him smile, however inappropriate they may be. He reaches in to his breast pocket, finds a pen and closes the distance between them.

"Here."

She looks up, eyes meeting again, surprised by his proximity. The spark igniting. She looks weary, unsure of taking it, of getting any closer to him.

"Jac, take the pen, please."

She reaches over and he moves his hand closer, causing them to collide. He feels a jolt up his arm, his hand tingling where hers, accidently, made contact. He still held her gaze and saw that she felt the spark too but she looked away, hand retracted as if he had burnt her. She still hadn't taken the pen and in a moment of sheer boldness he gently took her hand in his and placed the cool, metal pen in hers. She quickly glanced at him, taken aback by his assertiveness.

"Keep it. Wouldn't want you bothering Jayne about missing pens!" She smiled.

Yes he got her to smile for the first time in a long time and that brought a grin to his face, in turn. What had he done?

"Thanks, Joseph".

She clicked the pen into action and began concentrating on her chart. Joseph still enraptured with her.

"Mr Byrne! You have picked up a chart, well done. Now get your arse in to gear and start treating!"

He was torn away from Jac by Connie for the second time that morning. He caught her smirking at her comments.

"Welcome back Joseph!" She said.


End file.
